“My real self wanders elsewhere, far away, wanders on and on invisibly and has nothing to do with my life.” –Herman Hesse
Well, it seems all your boxes are checked—partner, job, car, kids, big white house in the country—but you’re still feeling a bit lost, unsure of your place or purpose. Instead of feeling settled or secure, you may be discovering you’ve found your way into a wilderness of sorts, and that you’re searching for something. It’s something you’ve lost—or, at the very least, misplaced—you just don’t know quite what it is. What you do know is you have a vague sense of something missing—in your relationships, your work and your life.
The Mature Masculine
If you stop and think, you might find what’s missing is you. Well, of course you’re not actually missing, but, more likely, there are parts of you that are indeed misplaced, or, more properly, overlooked. You might choose to think of these parts as the deep, or mature, masculine. The mature masculine is not the primitive machismo typically associated with being a man in society, culture and the family. It contrasts deeply with the immature masculine of passive adolescence typically seen as the markers of manhood—overt success and transient power that are more a caricature of masculinity than a reality.
The mature masculine does not speak to the low self-worth or sense of disempowerment that may have you adrift. It is a higher consciousness that grows out of the self-relationship marked by establishing and standing with presence, purpose, meaning and mission in your life. It is standing your ground and being in integrity—in the sense of being whole and undivided—with both yourself and others. In other words, being plugged in and present with yourself.
I once had a client who was struggling with this dilemma and we worked together to support his process of awakening. He was feeling adrift and inauthentic in his life, nagged by a dream he felt he could never pursue. Ultimately, he left his job as an Executive Vice President for a Fortune 100 company in New England to realize his dream, opening a successful bait and tackle shop on the lower East Coast.
In considering the mature masculine, one of its core principles is mastery. As you look around your life and see those trappings of success—partner, job, car, kids, big white house in the country—they may ring hollow because they are, in reality, a distortion of this core principle. They are an externalization—and diminution—of true, inner mastery. The mastery reflected in the mature masculine is an internal practice; it is being present in your life, displaying sovereignty over your inner landscape and autonomy over your Inner Self.
As a man in modern society, you’ve been misled. You, as do many others, likely hold the belief that ultimate fulfillment comes from these furnishings of success and, in meeting the prescribed demands of manhood, feel you have no choice but to hang on for dear life. On the other hand, if you’re here, you’re beginning to see the deception within the supposed truth. You are questioning who and where you are, asking who you want to become and where you want to be.
Are you ready to release your attachment to the immature masculine keeping you stuck and uncomfortable in your life and yourself? Are you willing to reframe your beliefs about what is means to be a man in our society and find a new path? If you are—and seek a guide and mentor to walk with you on that path—reach out to me so we can explore working together as you journey toward self-mastery and realizing your own mature masculine.